Michael Fassbender hates shirts

Exhibit A: Fish Tank (2009)

Exhibit B: 300 (2006)

Exhibit C: Hunger (2008)

Exhibit D: Centurion (2010)

Is it written in his contract? Why did Tarantino make him wear a shirt in Inglourious Basterds, thus, TAMING the Fassbender charm? The secret Fassbender weapon? His next film’s going to be Jane Eyre (obviously, Mr. Rochester’s manliness and animalistic sexual charm is linked to a desire to go topless) and then Shame, which is a film about a SEX ADDICT. How many sex addicts wear shirts?

Conclusion: Michael Fassbender’s career is a concerted attempt in playing roles where he doesn’t have to wear a shirt. Want him in your movie? Cast him as “the guy with no shirt.” Because that chest has to run free: